I miss you...

Me & my Papa when I was little:

Me & Becky with Papa when he was the Stone County Judge:

A few years ago:

Wow, I can't believe it has been 2 years since my Papa passed away of cancer. Sometimes I don't know what to say or do when someone has passed away. I think it is hard to realize what someone is going through until you have lost someone close to your heart also. I still remember getting that text message from my mom telling me that my Papa had passed away. It was late at night & I was actually driving to McDonald's to get me & Jason some food. I had to pull over on the side of the road & just cry. I went straight home. I was in shock.

I had a lot of guilt from moving so far away from my family & not being able to see my Papa in his last days like I felt I should've. My Nannie & Papa are 2 of the greatest people I have ever known & I wish I could've been there. I know my mom says that I should remember him in his better, healthier days & I wouldn't have wanted to see him sick, but I still feel guilt. I go through periods of really missing my family & realizing how much I need them sometimes. I never wanted my Papa to think that I didn't want to be there, because I did & I love him SO much. I still can't bear to erase "Nannie & Papa Home" phone # out of my phone. It doesn't feel real to me sometimes. I still feel like when I go home he'll be there.

I have such wonderful memories of him growing up. I have to tell a story of when Becky & I were little. We used to stay up all night talking & giggling & laughing. Well, one night my Papa decided that he had enough. He told me & Becky that if we didn't go to sleep he was going to put us outside with the coyotes. Well, sure enough he did. He didn't leave us out there long, just long enough to scare us & make us cry "Papa, we're sorry...let us in!" We still joke about that story. I hope I told it right. Becky has a better memory than I do.

I remember going to the creek with him & fishing. I remember one time I reeled in a snake. (I think that was the last time I ever fished) But, my Papa went & got his shot gun & shot that snake! He loved me, Becky & Lindsey Sue so much & he would protect us always. Anytime I needed something fixed on my car or my oil changed, he would be there to do it for me & tell me I needed to watch these things & take care of them myself. My Papa was very honest. Once he told me "Bon, your gettin' kinda broad across the backside, huh?" At the time, it kind of hurt my feelings. But, now it cracks me up b/c I love how honest he was & I know he loved me no matter how thin or thick I was. I think my mom gets this brutally honest trait from him ;)

He always took care of my Nannie & loved her with all his heart. He used to call her his "sugar booger". They had the kind of marriage & love that you hope yours will live up to someday.

I miss combing his hair.

I miss his smell of Old Spice.

I miss the smell of him when he would get back inside from putting wood in the furnace.

I miss him clearing his throat & going "YAAAAAM"!

I miss him calling me "Bonner Bang Bang".

I miss him sitting in his chair when I walk into their living room.

I miss his smacking at the dinner table.

I miss the sound of him driving around on his tractor & in his diesel truck.

I pretty much miss everything about him.

I wish so much that my Papa could've met our boys. I know that he would've been CRAZY about them! For those of you that don't know, Jarrett's middle name is my Papa's: Jarrett Coleman Brown. I love his name :)

I have a bad memory & I know I'm leaving out so much. But, my Papa was such a wonderful man & I just wanted to write down a few memories I have of him & remember him on this day. We love you Papa & we will see you again!